For first-time guests · Everything, once, plainly
Everyone I have ever met was, at some point, writing to me for the first time. This page exists so that you know exactly what happens from the first note to the first drink, and can stop rehearsing.
You do not need to perform confidence.
Five steps, no mysteries
1
Date, hours, city, and two or three honest sentences about yourself and the evening you have in mind. That is the entire task. It does not need to be clever, and you are welcome to mention that you are new, whether to this or to intimacy itself. There is nothing embarrassing in saying so.
2
If the invitation feels suitable, you hear from me within a day, and the reply is written by me alone. If you do not hear from me, that is a quiet no. No offence meant, and no explanation owed either way.
3
Screening sounds clinical and is actually simple: it is how I know you are who you say you are, handled privately and never shared. Every considerate client I see went through the same step, and you will not be the exception, which is exactly the reassurance. There is more than one way to complete it, and we choose together; the particulars are arranged privately once we are in touch, never in a first message.
4
Once screening is complete and the deposit is received, the evening is confirmed and the practical part of our acquaintance is permanently over. Details arrive clearly beforehand: where, when, how to find me.
5
You arrive, probably slightly nervous, which I expect and rather like. It means you take it seriously. We have a drink. Within twenty minutes, most people have forgotten to monitor themselves. From there, it tends to be a very good evening.
"But what do I actually write?"
This is the level of polish required, which is to say hardly any. Notice what it does: it is clear, it is courteous, and it is genuinely intended. Nothing more is being graded.
Dear Adeline,
I would like to invite you to dinner on Friday the 14th: four hours, central Amsterdam. I am in my forties, I work more than I should, and I have never written a note like this before, which I am telling you so I can stop worrying about it.
I would enjoy a good table and better conversation. Happy to complete screening.
M.
Common worries, retired
No. I will barely register it, and never unkindly. Nerves at a first meeting are information that you care, nothing more. They outlast approximately one drink.
Welcome, when approached with honesty and care. What makes an evening good is attention rather than experience, and attention needs no résumé.
The arrangements exist precisely so the evening does not. Everything practical is settled before we meet; what is left in the room is company, conversation and time.
Yes, in both directions, permanently. No public phone number, no tracking here, and no detail of you shared, the same privacy I keep for myself.
The rehearsal is over
It is the one I want to read anyway. Date, hours, city, a line about you. Send it before you rewrite it a fourth time.
Begin with a note; I will take it from there.
